I’ve never been able to watch people eat alone without becoming profoundly sad. It’s one of these weird idiosyncrasies that I have possessed since I was a young girl. I remember one day in particular when I was about 15 and was cutting class from high school with my best mates. We went to McDonalds for french fries. That was the cutting class routine. As the group of us chattering, french fry and coca cola toting young delinquents converged at our favorite table, I noticed my neighborhood bus driver, an older gentleman with a full head of bushy grey hair and little coke-bottle glasses, sitting alone a few tables away. He was having a McDonalds breakfast – you know the scrambled eggs, the round disc of “Canadian bacon,” the packet o’ hash browns, and pancakes with that fake butter and “maple flavored” syrup. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him, and I suppose I began to cry because my friends started asking me what was wrong. I’m not sure if it was the un-nutritious meal he was mindlessly consuming (my mother was a “health food nut” so I had already developed a food consciousness at a fairly young age) or if it was that deadened look he had in his eyes as he mechanically drew the fork of loveless food into his mouth. I couldn’t eat my rebellious french fries that morning. I was consumed with the image of my lonely bus driver the rest of the day.
I remember seeing that same deadened look in the eyes of my father when he ate. Even as a young child, when we still ate meals together as a family, he always preferred to be quiet and remain alone in his thoughts. He never commented on the food, never even seemed to taste it. He just consumed one unconscious bite after the next, as if he were just fulfilling the very basic tasks of feeding the stomach and clearing the contents of his plate. Years later, after my parents divorced, I would feel the tears welling up in my eyes as I felt the weight of my father’s loneliness, visiting him in his dentist office on his lunch hour and seeing him eat a sandwich alone at his desk, or imagining him going to his favorite deli in the morning for his bagel and coffee that he would probably eat alone in his car.
When I was a bartender at a fancy oyster bar/restaurant, I once served a single, older gentleman an entire 5-course dinner along with a champagne toast at the bar on New Years Eve. We spoke very little. He was quiet and shy and not particularly attractive and didn’t talk to anyone at the bar except to clink champagne glasses and say, “Happy New Year.” I was so busy shucking oysters and pouring champagne that I had little time to tend to him. He mostly sat quietly, ate each course, drank his champagne, and then left. I cried my eyes out later that night.
To this day, I really cannot pass by a lone eater with out busting up into tears. Now I’m not talking about the student who’s flipping through a copy of Foreign Affairs while sipping her mocha frappuccino and munching on a scone, or the Wall Street exec that is talking on his iphone and checking stock prices while eating his steak frites. I’m talking about the lone eater that doesn’t occupy him/herself with anything else but his/her food, and the surroundings. This just breaks my heart.
I know that all of this is a mere projection of my own inner sadness and sad experiences with loneliness. For all I know, all of these people could have had the most enjoyable times dining alone. Still, I can’t help feeling that all the loneliness in the world is expressed through the faraway gaze of that one lone diner.
This past weekend, Mark and I went to visit our friends, Stephanie and Bea, who live upstate in a small cottage in the woods. Along the way we saw beautiful sunflowers growing along the road.


Mark and I made ourselves at home in their kitchen and immediately cooked up a beautiful dinner.
I cooked some white beans for a summer Tuscan salad and assembled a Caprese salad with fresh heirloom tomatoes, buffalo mozzarella, fresh basil, and fragrant olive oil.
Stephanie made this beautiful ruby red beet dip.
The weekend was filled with beautiful meals comprising of fresh food grown in their garden or from local farms, good wine, wonderful conversation, and good company.















